The ‘Excellent Human Being Awards’ and Why It’s Weird that They Should Exist

February 16, 2012 at 6:31 pm (Uncategorized)

I, like many people, follow Wil Wheaton on Tumblr and Twitter and Google+ and basically everything–mostly because Wil is on everything and advocates first adopter policies like me. People know Wil mostly for Wheaton’s Law: “Don’t be a dick.” It’s a great law.

(okay, other people know Wil for staring in ‘Stand By Me’ and “Star Trek: TNG” and other things like that)

Lately, Wil has been talking a lot about the head scratch-worthy political climate that is going on in the good ol’ US of A (as many people are) and a lot of what he says boils down to “How can you think to do things like this? You’re being a dick. Stop it right now.”

It’s a good couple of questions, Mr. Wheaton. I can’t answer any of them.

David Willis is a webcartoonist. (web comic artist? Content creator? He makes his living by drawing comics and posting them on the internet, and he talks about Batman and Transformers a lot) David has this truly unique position of being a white, straight male between the ages of 18-45 who has less (if not none whatsoever!) internalized misogyny and ‘white male problems’ than most WOMEN–and it’s really sad and scary when you think just how unique this position is.

You see this when David posts comics like this one from Tuesday in the comments section of just how many people fail to understand the straw man’s position is not actually a straw man. It actually happens. People routinely say these things verbatum in forums all over the internet. (oh, internet. Where would we be without an anonymous location to dispose of all our hateful thoughts?) It also gives me hope when David’s Twitter feed is routinely littered with things like “Man, I was not prepared to deal with this much white male privilege until tomorrow.”

Hell, David’s own WIFE has realized that she holds more internalized misogyny than her husband does.

So why talk about these two fairly unrelated men? (I mean, I think they’re both aware of the other’s existence, but I don’t think they’ve traded cell phone numbers)

I was thinking earlier about how I’d like to give both of them some kind of award. Like on Tumblr people always say “YOU GET ALL OF THE AWARDS”. But a physical award. A sort of Excellent Person Award.

And then I realized how problematic it was that I wanted to make an award to give to people who are pointing out how horrifically wrong certain aspects of society are and trying to change it.

I mean, shouldn’t that be an ordinary thing? Realizing that oppression of people based on who they are is completely wrong, realizing that any sort of contrived privilege is wrong, realizing that the world has moved on past the 1800s and backwards thinking should be corrected?

How ridiculous is this? Both that it’s taken me so long to realize this, and that it exists to begin with.

And how can we even begin to change this?

Now, not every aspect of what either Wil or David are saying is completely true. Some things are wrong, because they are only human. But it’s just very hard for me to think about how a lot of people can take what they do say, and laud it all as completely incorrect.

(I know it’s all based on what you’re raised around, but even that’s hard for me to understand, based on my own rather lax upbringing in the ‘these beliefs are correct, and do not think otherwise’ department. I mean, besides the whole ‘don’t steal/kill/hurt people because that’s mean and wrong’.)


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June 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm (Uncategorized)

So, I keep tweeting, and I figure I’ll just keep a blog open and write down my random thoughts that way instead of tweeting every four minutes. I’m in that kind of mood: the need to babble on about things that Do Not Matter because I’m nervous and can’t make my brain stop.

The Boston Fire Department has decided that 8:30-9:30pm should be designated “fire alarm testing time”. There are lots of blinking lights around me and it’s kind of giving me a seizure. Or at least making my eyes hurt. There’s also a young girl gliding up and down the terminal in Heelies and I’m kind of jealous, I’m not going to lie.

I’m also the only person for about 40 yards with an American accent. Just saying. This is totally the International part of Boston Logan International.

I kind of wanted do a “Good morning Hank, I’m in an airport” vlog today, but I’m just not in the right mindset. I’ve been crying on and off for the past 36 hours for a variety of reasons and I’m kind of a hot mess right now. Not really fit for anything. Also extraordinarily tired because over the past 48 hours I’ve only slept for about 8 hours. 2 the other night, and 6 last night. The Nyquil I took last night was also both a good idea and a bad idea. Bad because I tend to stay pretty wonky the next day, but good because it meant I actually got some sleep.

Mom half-threatened to drag me to the hospital to be sedated yesterday, but she was emotional too so I called her out on that. We both were in serious need of Valium or something, it was ridiculous. I’m ridiculously dehydrated today.

I had some RuddFuckers (sorry, bad habit from the military boys) and it was ok. Mostly just to eat something and hopefully not throw up later. Everything I’ve eaten lately has been kind of cardboardy anyway.

I’m trying to do homework and it’s not working. =/

I have no idea what time boarding starts. My ticket says I have like, 40 minutes. I should probably get this assignment done so I have enough time to go to the bathroom and take this Benadryl. Bleh. Homework isn’t fun. But apparently there is WiFi and electrical outlets on the plane, which is bizarre to me. What century is this again??

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April 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, totally didn’t post yesterday. Not doing a “let’s do two to make up for it.”

Around 10pm I was like “Well… I should do it now before I forget.” And then I forgot.

Not much for today, I’m watching DBZ Kai and having some nostalgia waves. And also being all “Uh, wow, how did I forget how much of this show was standing around and making faces and weird grunting/gasping noises?” Yeah, budget problems! (also I really wish Caroline would stop making stupid comments about this show. She’s never seen it, so she really just needs to sit down and shut up. Or go to her room and write those papers instead of becoming one with the couch)

I’m also annoyed that I can’t go on Tumblr right now, because “Day of the Moon” already aired in the UK, so it’s all spoilerific right now. LiveJournal is kind of the same way, but they’re nicer about putting everything under a cut. Tumblrites aren’t as nice.

Doctor Who is supposed to be terrifying tonight. Augh. I wish I had my other sonic screwdriver for protection, but I’ve only got the one. Which apparently I won’t get back for another year. =P

And now I should actually work on my two final papers. One’s due on Wednesday, and the other by Friday. It’s weird that I’m like… basically done with school. I’m only counting this summer a little.

And if I don’t have an internship this summer, then there’s really not much of a point in taking classes this summer as well. =/ So… yeah. Still putting my emotions on an ice block right now. I can’t let myself feel anything for the moment or else I’m going to lose it. Big time.

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April 28, 2011 at 8:22 pm (Uncategorized)

I hate this woman named April. She’s a character on Grey’s Anatomy. I mean, she means well. But good God, she’s… a little twit. An insensitive, crybaby, virgin twit.

Okay, her being a virgin has nothing to do with how annoying she is as a character, it’s more the driving plot point of how awkward she is around men.


So, still nothing on the London front. I’m feeling it slip through my fingers. Congrats to anyone who wished I couldn’t go, there’s a great chance I won’t get to go now and I’m fucked on graduating on time. You fucking bastard.

I’m working on a backup plan, but at this point there’s nothing I can do until fall. I can get refunded everything, and I will make the company refund me my airplane tickets.

I have until Monday until I can start crying a lot.

Until then, duct tape. That’s about all that’s keeping me together.

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April 27, 2011 at 7:12 pm (Uncategorized)

I just made the worst pun in the history of all puns. It’s hilarious (and bad) in context, but out of context it doesn’t make sense. So there’s your Noodle Story for the day.

In other news, I’m sick to my stomach. Not about the bug I’ve had for the last few days (getting better, but I can’t seem to shake it all the way. Combo of a cold and sinuses, I think), but about this summer.

I’m afraid That Thing has happened again. I have this horrible problem wherein I talk about something I’m excited about, and then said thing falls through. A date, a potential boyfriend, a trip, plans to hang out… I’ll be excited and looking forward to it, and really happy… and then I’ll get a text. Or a phone call. A cancellation. A “Sorry, but…” etc. Some part fell through and now I can’t go. Something to that effect, you get it. About 9/10, this will happen.

I’ve learned to just not talk about things I’m excited about, or try not to look too forward to something, because then it won’t fall through. It’s stupid, I realize, but honestly when you have it happen so often that you get stood up or dropped or just plain are not able to go–and this isn’t something where I screwed up a part of the plan, this is always my things are in order and someone else drops the ball or whatever happens (I usually don’t know, I get upset and don’t find out, and I should just stop bothering to get upset at this point)–you figure out where the problem seems to stem from and you cut that part off.

The problem is, I can’t not talk to people about London. I’m required to. Other people are talking about my going to London–my parents to co-workers, family members, etc. People ask me if I’m excited and I have to give the impression that I am but that I’m nervous, while deep down I want to rave and scream about it. But I can’t, because then…

Well, then this happens:

Right now, I’m waiting on paperwork from the company. They should have had this done weeks ago. They have until May 2 to get me said paperwork so I can get my visa and not get denied access to the United Kingdom, and so that I will have somewhere to live and work this summer. (well… volunteer for experience)

May 2 is Tuesday.

If they don’t get me my paperwork by then?

I don’t know.

I’ve already spent a TON of money. I don’t think my tickets are refundable.

This internship is the only thing standing between me and graduation. As of Tuesday, it is 100% too late to apply for any other internship. As of right now, really.

If I don’t get this paperwork… I’m fucked. I’m stuck in school another semester. I…

I don’t know.

I’m just really hoping that for once, my awful luck about good things that happen to me doesn’t work. Please.

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April 26, 2011 at 11:04 pm (Uncategorized)

I hate it when you take cold medicine and it makes one of your symptoms way worse than it was previously.

I have nothing to write today, aside from making this mention. Arthur Darvill has said that this weekend’s new Doctor Who is going to be way scarier than last weekend’s. I haven’t slept without my sonic screwdriver since Saturday. I think I’ll need to build my own TARDIS to get through this weekend. o__o

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April 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m sick today.

I’m not feeling great today.

I’m not going to blog today.

I’m going to go to bed right now.

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April 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm (Uncategorized)

Slugging through one of my term papers. Happy Easter to me.

I didn’t go home this weekend, what with ANO on Friday and Doctor Who last night, and then having one week left in the proper semester before finals. I kind of needed this time to actually work on things, and with gas prices being what they are… I didn’t feel that a less-than-48-hour trip would be completely worth it. So, I’m stuck here, I’ve got some chocolate waiting for me back in my apartment, and I’m working through the history of weather forecasting before I get to current forecasting problems later. (I might just do this first half, and then finish the latter half at a different point. This paper isn’t due until May 6. I don’t want to wait THAT long on it, but I have some buffer time)

This is the comfiest library chair ever, by the way. A rolling chair with some extreme bend and contorts to the way you sit.

Thanks to Steven Moffat being the CREATOR OF TERRIFYING THINGS, I had a hard time trying to sleep last night. It was difficult for me to turn off the lights. And when I did, I had a candle lit. But eventually I had to blow that out. And then I held on to my sonic screwdriver all night, and passed out more from sheer exhaustion than anything, and properly woke up around 2pm. Sleeping in the daytime is safer, if you wake up, you can see that there are no TERRIFYING THINGS THAT STEVEN MOFFAT CREATED in your bedroom.

I’m almost 22 years old, this should not happen.

I’m tired.

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April 23, 2011 at 11:35 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m excited to see what happens next week.

No spoilers. Maybe later.

However, I was disappointed at the lack of aliens. I thought there would be aliens. Maybe next week.

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Sad Panda

April 22, 2011 at 9:43 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m feeling a little down today. Okay, a lot down.

It started with more not sleeping a lot last night. Tired and grumpy is never a good way to start off, but since I’m not a morning person I’m usually kinda grumpy. Then my first class was uber boring, and my second class got canceled at the last minute because Dr. Towe was like “I totally came prepared to lecture today… I just don’t feel like it. Here’s this, I’ll finish this bit of work and you guys can go home and work on that paper I assigned that’s due Wednesday. Also, no class on Monday so you can do the peer reviews, and I’ll see you on Wednesday. Maybe no class on Friday.”

I mean, that was good. We don’t really do anything in that class, it’s just not fun that I have to get up at 8am for one class instead of two.

I got jumped on in my afternoon class. I called the main character in the book we’re reading a coward. One of the book’s themes is the fight or flight instinct, and Lilith clearly goes with flight. She’s all about self-preserverance. Most of the time, she doesn’t care about what happens to the others in her care, she wants to better her own situation as best she can. She wants to live just to escape her situation, she isn’t fighting it because going along makes it all easier. People don’t see that as cowardice, and say that if she was truly a coward, she would have killed herself. Well… Killing yourself isn’t always an act of cowardice. It’s an act of selfishness, for sure, but if you want to live, just not in your situation, you run. She can’t, she’s stuck on a space ship in orbit outside of the moon, but she plans on it as soon as she can. My definition of coward is different than others, but I got jumped on and essentially called stupid because I see her as a huge coward.

Bummed because it’s raining and cold, and I just want it to be warm. It’s supposed to be warm tomorrow. That should be nice.

And then… the big thing. I stepped down as vice-president of ANO today. My term ended. This… this was a huge part of my life for 2 years. ANO in general has been a huge part of my life since I started college. I found a place of acceptance here. I had something to do every Friday night. I found friends here. My horizons expanded so much. I got back into writing after a two year case of writer’s block. I got back into the convention scene, I started cosplaying again. I found happiness. And as vice-president, I grew a lot as a person. I found my ability to speak softly and carry a big stick. (even speak loudly and carry a big stick). I broke one of my shells of shyness. I became more organized, I learned leadership (as cliche as that is)… I got migraines, I didn’t sleep, I cried, I got frustrated, I lived on my e-mail for months.

I fought tooth and nail and had to go through two elections on the same night to actually get elected in because of a tie and came out with just barely a margin over my opponent, and then I completely rocked this position. I got called a bitch for my… unorthodox way of speaking and handling part of it, but I did my job. I did my job well. I had some big shoes to fill, but I think I left some bigger ones in my wake.

And now that’s over.

And I’m sad.

Four years. They go by really fast.

I already cried once tonight. I think I’ll be doing it again later.

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